Motherhood at it's best!

I'm one of the lucky ones...after years of yearning and trying I stepped into the role that I somehow always knew I would, despite the obstacles that kept popping up...I became a mom, one of the most important role models in our kid’s lives!

As I sit here now, almost a quarter of a century beyond my kid less twenties, I have but one regret - that I wasn't who I am now in those early years of motherhood.

• I wish I could have had the where with all to bite my tongue before yelling and making my children cry...
• I wish I had learned to be more present with them instead of being distracted by the stress and worries in my life...
• I wish I had dismounted my high horse sooner, realizing that I didn't always know better or more than them...(and still don't!)
• And most of all, I wish I could have known how to love them unconditionally from the get go (I thought I was :( )

The experience of being a mom was everything I thought it would be and more, although the more coming a little later in my rearing days. So I'm not perfect...none of us are!

We all do the best we can and I know that because of the stages my children have gone through – from temper tantrums to piercings and everything in between – I've grown up and changed too...and that's a good thing!!

My kids are both adults now and my traditional parenting role is pretty much over, I’ve done my job! At 18 and 19, I trust that my now young adults know right from wrong, kindness from not and have a vision for their lives that is all their own!

Of course I’ll be their mom forever but I’m looking forward to this next chapter of their lives and mine with no apron strings attached!

Wishing you all a wonderful Mother's Day!

Awesome Role Models!

Thumbs up for Awesomeness!

We all need a dose of positivity...some days more than others!

Listening to the radio this morning I was reminded of an awesome role model who created a blog about finding something positive and awesome every day....I really like this guy Neil!

His site is 1000awesomethings.com and he has written 2 books.... The Book of Awesome and his second one was just released The Book of (even more) Awesome!

You can subscribe to his daily posts and be reminded ( especially on one of those days ) to find something to smile about, be happy with, grateful for or look forward to.

It isn't just parents, teachers, leaders, adults etc. who are role models, we all are and the younger the better as far as I'm concerned... way to go Neil!

Thumbs up!

Cairo...Libya...what's next?

Through the revolution in Cairo and the current devastating events in Libya, the world is witnessing the collective 'NO' that thousands finally have the courage to not only say but stand behind...no matter what!

They've had enough and are subsequently saying...

NO... to suppression
NO... to tyranny
NO... to control

The bullies on the world stage are being brought to task;  not with retaliation rooted in anger but with a fervent peaceful energy.

As I watch these events unfold with compassion for these incredibly brave people, I can't help bringing it even closer to home.

How many of us have or are still allowing ourselves or others to be treated the same way; maybe not to this extreme, but still unacceptable.

This same angry, disrespectful, fear-mongering and controlling behavior is displayed by some who feel they have the right to do so due to their position of power.

Bullies don't exist solely as dictators of countries or on school playgrounds. They can also be parents or the boss at work.

Be the role model in your life by becoming a peaceful activist where you live and work; find your voice  and support others in finding theirs!

Who do we look up to?

Many of us grow up wanting to be just like the role models we idolize, but what exactly is it that we aspire to emulate?

For some, huge monetary success and a prestigious role in a corporation is something they see themselves becoming...others might be attracted to glamour and fame... and there are those who revere others who make a positive difference in the world and feel compelled to do the same.

These are but a few examples of people we may have looked up to when we were younger, however our 'job' is what we do...'who' we are when we're doing it is even more important!

Flash forward and now we are the role models ourselves and our influence on the coming generations is huge...so it begs us to reflect on what kind of role models we have become.

Do we measure our success by our bank account or by how we treat others? Is our ego inflated by fame or do we use our public success to model kindness and compassion? Do we help others to make ourselves look good or do we really see how we are all connected and give from a more selfless place?

Are we happy with what we have or unhappy not having what we want? Do we live by the golden rule or believe in an eye for an eye?

I hope that when it's my turn to go, the service will be filled to the rafters and spilling out into the parking lot with all the people whose live's I touched and somehow made a difference...for me that will be my measure of success...but I also hope that that's a long long time from now! :)

Ready...Set...Let Go!

It's hard to see anyone we love struggle with circumstances that have come up in their lives and it is especially hard as parents to witness our children in pain...we just want to make it go away for them!

As hard as it might be for us, we have to let go and allow our kids to experience what they are experiencing. I'm not talking about physical injury or pain...this is about their stress, their disappointments, their emotional struggles. 

Now it's not to say that we turn away and let them suffer, that's not it at all. We need to create a safe and nurturing environment for them, be compassionate, listen to them, and love and support them unconditionally through their trials, even if the choices that they have made have led them to their woes.

We've all heard the phrase, we learn from our mistakes, and one of the most difficult parts of parenting is to actually let our kids make one!

From my own experience with two teenagers coupled with the fact that I am a recovering control freak (I'm getting better though! :)), I have humbly learned that it can be very disrespectful as well as debilitating to interfere with our kids predicaments.

Consider the possibility that the message we're sending is that we don't believe in them nor that they have the capability to figure a way through their situation or conflict; or that our common complaint that kids don't take responsibility may come from never having learned how to because we're always jumping in to save the day!

Another downside is that we end up taking on so much unnecessary stress for ourselves when we try to fix or take away anyone else's pain... don't we have enough of our own to deal with anyway?

We all want to empower our kids and as as their role models this is just one of the many ways that I've learned as a parent to do just that!

So.....ready...set...let go!

Breaking the Bullying Cycle

I have been sharing my story for years as to how I used to be a bullying mom and invariably people respond with either a thank you for inspiring them to take responsibility for how they have behaved and then there are other subscribers who demand to be taken off my list having been triggered by what I have shared.

I was out last night at a friend's house for dinner...a retired teacher and one of the kindest and loving women I know. She isn't a big news watcher so I caught her up on all the coverage of bullying lately and of course she was very interested having been in the school system for 35 years. (just as an aside, she is definitely not one of the negative examples that the documentary Waiting for Superman highlights.)

I had shared with her that I felt there had been an abundance of talk about the effects of bullying but not a lot on how to actually break the cycle. My friend was absolutely shocked and of course saddened as we all are to know how this cycle has permeated so deeply in our society.

Neither one of us can understand why more people aren't talking about how kids don't become bullies once they hit the school grounds...the conditioning starts way before then!

Our kids watch our every move...they overhear our overt comments and also take in the implied messages we send to them.

They are in the back seat as we curse at the driver who cut us off and hear us complain how "those" people...from whichever country they mention, can't drive.

They are within earshot as we judge and speak of our intolerance of other's lifestyle choices.

We yell, demean, disrespect and otherwise bully our partners...in front of them.

We separate or divorce and the impact of our meanness to each other is engrained in them.

I'm not saying I have all the answers, nor that I am a perfect role model or that my kids are perfect angels but what I know for sure is that if we don't stop and take a look at what we are modelling, we will keep feeding this insidious cycle...more lives will be needlessly lost...more families torn apart...

We have to start being aware of what we are teaching them remembering that our kids look up to us, they think we know everything and will adopt our beliefs and behaviors because they don't know any other way.

It's a common sense solution...being the best role models we can be for our kids will make a huge impact on breaking this cycle...and hopefully one day for good!!

I was a bullying mom...

It took me a little while to collect myself this morning before writing my blog. I had to wait out the tears that flowed from hearing all of the bullying stories that have been profiled in the media recently...my heart breaking for all involved, not only the bullied but the bullies as well.

The tears continued to flow as I connected with profound gratitude...I was grateful that I was able to shift my behavior and prevent two more kids from becoming victims or perpetrators of this epidemic, these children being my own.

You see I was a bullying mother.

This morning one of the news programs highlighted that they didn't believe that the bullies see their behavior and I agree wholeheartedly...I didn't see mine...but my kids sure did...but they didn't have a voice to tell me.

One day I woke up and became aware of what my behavior was teaching my kids...to become timid and fearful walking on eggshells around my moods or model my meanness and judgment.

Now I didn't look the part, although is there an identifiable look anyway? I didn't necessarily display my behavior for the world to see...but nonetheless I humbly admit that I was a bully.

Once I took responsibility for what I was teaching my kids, I became a different mother...a better role model and a voice for every child who hopes that the role models in their lives can muster up the courage to take a look in the mirror too...

I believe that everything we experience in life brings us to what we are meant to do. After taking a good look at myself and consciously choosing to change was the catalyst that ignited not only my passion to make a difference but my compassion as well...we all do the best we can until we know otherwise and awareness is the key!

We really do live in a mad mad world...but I know it can change...but we have to be that change!

No child is born a bully...let's be the best role models we can be for them!

Waiting for Superman?

Einstein would be shaking his head in disbelief to see that we are still doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results!

Kudos to those behind the making of the documentary Waiting for Superman! I haven't even seen the movie yet, although I will, but the clips that I and others have seen have certainly started a conversation... and that's a really good thing!

The question is what kind of conversation are we having? It's not about taking sides, judging, pointing fingers or casting blame...it seems to me that this movie is serving a greater purpose than just exposing the changes needed in the education system....it's much much bigger than that!

This film is a gigantic wake-up call for all of us...not just teachers, not just parents...but for all of us to become aware of and take responsibility of how we are showing up for our kids...what kind of role models we are.

We all do the best we can...I don't believe there are 'bad' teachers or 'bad' parents...we all have a good and not so good side to us and which side we choose to behave from is a choice we make. The unfortunate part is that in most cases we make that choice unconsciously.

So let's keep having the conversations that this movie is evoking, however, if you ask me, the most important conversation we can have is the one we have with ourselves...examining our own behavior more consciously, making the shifts that so many headlines are pointing for us to make, letting go of the hypocrisy and just start focusing on being the change that we have been condemning others for not being!

We're all a work in progress... ;o)

Creating a Positive Culture

(x) + (y) = z     I recently did a presentation for a group of high school teachers and I used this math equation as an example to build the awareness of how we can create a more positive culture...not only in our classrooms and schools but a home as well.

I know math wasn't everyone's favorite subject like it was for me, but I promise, it's not a hard concept to get! Z represents the culture we're creating and the (y) reflects kids/students  behaviors and attitudes.

So I plugged numbers into the equation (x) + (y) = z  on the white board giving these two examples:
(2) + (-5) = -3    and   (6) + (-3) = +3

It was pretty clear to see that the outcome of a positive or negative culture (z) was dependent on the X factor....no matter how negative the (y) factor was....a variable which we can't control!

I think you can figure out where I'm going with this...the (x) is us...the adults...role models and we're in control of only one thing...how positive we are.

Even without doing the math, we know that we can't create a positive culture if we are negative...the math example was just a little reminder which we can all use every now and again :o)

Are you getting the thumbs up?

We all do our best but some days, depending on which side of the bed we rolled out of, we could maybe use a little tweeking as we show up in our day as role models. The term role model in and of itself is neutral...the positive or negative slant depends on us!

It's not just parents like me, teachers, sports coaches or others who work with kids who should be mindful of what they're putting out there! We might not have our own kids...we might be aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, neighbors or the grocery clerk at the check out that frequently has children around them.

Most of us probably don't know where we stand from their point of view, so what if you took a big breath and asked them if they would give you a thumbs up or down in whatever role you play in their lives...what do you think the answer would be?

Now don't beat yourself up or anything...sometimes it may be up and others down....but the way to getting more 'up' days on the calendar is to ask them why they voted the other way! (Actually keeping track on a calendar isn't a bad idea !)

Hope to connect soon on my new facebook page a great resource with information and inspiration to get a thumbs up everyday!

I hope today is a thumbs up day for you!! :o)

Young Role Models

Most of my time is spent creating the awareness of how we as adults can be the best role models we can be for kids! But there is a growing number of kids and young students who are being amazing role models!

My daughter had an amazing experience through the Free the Children foundation this past summer as she travelled to Kenya with a group of students to help with the Clean Water Projects and the construction of a library among many other events. I was so impressed with the organization that I wanted to help bring more awareness to We Day

Free The Children’s We Day is more than just one day of celebration and inspiration. It’s a one-of-a-kind event and part of an innovative year-long program created to celebrate the power of young people to create positive change in the world.


The dates are almost here...Toronto - Sept. 30th   Vancouver - Oct. 15th   Montreal - Nov. 12th!

These kids are going to change the world... help them reach their goal of 1 million likes on facebook!    Talk about role models!!