Motherhood at it's best!

I'm one of the lucky ones...after years of yearning and trying I stepped into the role that I somehow always knew I would, despite the obstacles that kept popping up...I became a mom, one of the most important role models in our kid’s lives!

As I sit here now, almost a quarter of a century beyond my kid less twenties, I have but one regret - that I wasn't who I am now in those early years of motherhood.

• I wish I could have had the where with all to bite my tongue before yelling and making my children cry...
• I wish I had learned to be more present with them instead of being distracted by the stress and worries in my life...
• I wish I had dismounted my high horse sooner, realizing that I didn't always know better or more than them...(and still don't!)
• And most of all, I wish I could have known how to love them unconditionally from the get go (I thought I was :( )

The experience of being a mom was everything I thought it would be and more, although the more coming a little later in my rearing days. So I'm not perfect...none of us are!

We all do the best we can and I know that because of the stages my children have gone through – from temper tantrums to piercings and everything in between – I've grown up and changed too...and that's a good thing!!

My kids are both adults now and my traditional parenting role is pretty much over, I’ve done my job! At 18 and 19, I trust that my now young adults know right from wrong, kindness from not and have a vision for their lives that is all their own!

Of course I’ll be their mom forever but I’m looking forward to this next chapter of their lives and mine with no apron strings attached!

Wishing you all a wonderful Mother's Day!

Ready...Set...Let Go!

It's hard to see anyone we love struggle with circumstances that have come up in their lives and it is especially hard as parents to witness our children in pain...we just want to make it go away for them!

As hard as it might be for us, we have to let go and allow our kids to experience what they are experiencing. I'm not talking about physical injury or pain...this is about their stress, their disappointments, their emotional struggles. 

Now it's not to say that we turn away and let them suffer, that's not it at all. We need to create a safe and nurturing environment for them, be compassionate, listen to them, and love and support them unconditionally through their trials, even if the choices that they have made have led them to their woes.

We've all heard the phrase, we learn from our mistakes, and one of the most difficult parts of parenting is to actually let our kids make one!

From my own experience with two teenagers coupled with the fact that I am a recovering control freak (I'm getting better though! :)), I have humbly learned that it can be very disrespectful as well as debilitating to interfere with our kids predicaments.

Consider the possibility that the message we're sending is that we don't believe in them nor that they have the capability to figure a way through their situation or conflict; or that our common complaint that kids don't take responsibility may come from never having learned how to because we're always jumping in to save the day!

Another downside is that we end up taking on so much unnecessary stress for ourselves when we try to fix or take away anyone else's pain... don't we have enough of our own to deal with anyway?

We all want to empower our kids and as as their role models this is just one of the many ways that I've learned as a parent to do just that!

So.....ready...set...let go!

Are you getting the thumbs up?

We all do our best but some days, depending on which side of the bed we rolled out of, we could maybe use a little tweeking as we show up in our day as role models. The term role model in and of itself is neutral...the positive or negative slant depends on us!

It's not just parents like me, teachers, sports coaches or others who work with kids who should be mindful of what they're putting out there! We might not have our own kids...we might be aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, neighbors or the grocery clerk at the check out that frequently has children around them.

Most of us probably don't know where we stand from their point of view, so what if you took a big breath and asked them if they would give you a thumbs up or down in whatever role you play in their lives...what do you think the answer would be?

Now don't beat yourself up or anything...sometimes it may be up and others down....but the way to getting more 'up' days on the calendar is to ask them why they voted the other way! (Actually keeping track on a calendar isn't a bad idea !)

Hope to connect soon on my new facebook page a great resource with information and inspiration to get a thumbs up everyday!

I hope today is a thumbs up day for you!! :o)

Being Happy

Do you ever wonder what your purpose in life is? It's a common conversation that takes place around dinner tables, water coolers, amongst friends and sometimes in our own heads!

Yesterday I was reminded, yet again, that we all share a common purpose and that is to be happy...joyful! For some it seems like a given and to others it may sit at the bottom of their list.

Years ago I had polled some seventh & eighth graders and asked them if they thought that the adults in their their life were happy and how they knew if they were or weren't. As I reviewed their answers it was very clear that the adults in their life were unhappy the majority of the time and in turn it made the kids feel sad and unhappy as well.

I guess this gives credence to the phrase, "If mom ain't happy no one is!"

Life ebbs and flows...that's just the way it is! Some days 'stuff ' happens and other days run smoothly, but how we respond to life's challenges and allow our happiness to erode in reaction to them teaches the kids around us to also be that way.

No matter what is going on in life, we can still choose to be happy and that's one of the best lessons we can teach our kids!

Hope you have many Water off a duck's back days!

Jo-Anne :0)

Banana Blunder

Being present...really present with who we're with or what we're doing in any given moment is something that many of us are striving for yet struggle with.

I'm still laughing at myself (a very healthy thing to do!) as I had one of those struggling moments this morning!

As I was preparing my breakfast I was cutting up some fruit and got a rather simple yet clear message that I was not being very present.

As I peeled my banana I started to slice it up and didn't notice that not only did I put the peel in the compost bin but I was slicing the banana into it as well!

Once I caught myself I just started to laugh...where was I that I didn't notice until the end of the banana that it wasn't going into my bowl?

I managed to salvage most of it as I rinsed the coffee grounds off some of the pieces :)

This may seem like a silly example but can you imagine, if we are this unconscious (I know I'm not alone here!) in these seemingly inconsequential moments in our day, what the impact would be if we did the same thing with our kids?

So here's to a very present day and have some fun with it by keeping track of how many times you catch yourself not being quite all there!