Cairo...Libya...what's next?

Through the revolution in Cairo and the current devastating events in Libya, the world is witnessing the collective 'NO' that thousands finally have the courage to not only say but stand behind...no matter what!

They've had enough and are subsequently saying...

NO... to suppression
NO... to tyranny
NO... to control

The bullies on the world stage are being brought to task;  not with retaliation rooted in anger but with a fervent peaceful energy.

As I watch these events unfold with compassion for these incredibly brave people, I can't help bringing it even closer to home.

How many of us have or are still allowing ourselves or others to be treated the same way; maybe not to this extreme, but still unacceptable.

This same angry, disrespectful, fear-mongering and controlling behavior is displayed by some who feel they have the right to do so due to their position of power.

Bullies don't exist solely as dictators of countries or on school playgrounds. They can also be parents or the boss at work.

Be the role model in your life by becoming a peaceful activist where you live and work; find your voice  and support others in finding theirs!

Stammering Wisdom

Okay I know it seems as though I have been on hiatus, kind of like your favorite television series does just as things are heating up...my apologies!!

Well I can explain...well maybe not...no need...the good news is, all is well and I'm bbbbbbaaaaaack!

This past weekend my daughter treated me to a movie :) and I treated her to the popcorn (almost as much yikes!!)

Having been a little behind for a while, we finally got to see The King's Speech and all the buzz around this movie is well deserved!

I'm sure I can't be the only one who caught the huge message behind CCCCCCCCColin Firth's amazing performance!

The mutual respect and kindness that any of us treat our kids with or rather the lack thereof has a profound impact on them....not only revealed in more obvious ways such as a stammer as it was in this case, but the silent devastation and turmoil that can last long after a so called well-meant disappointment or disapproval from us is uttered!

No family is immune...not even a royal one! So let's try to breathe and count to 10 before those discouraging words come flying out...we can't take them back!! :-(

Bullying Awareness ...uh week??

Where I live it's Bullying Awareness week, but really, is a week of awareness enough? I don't think I'm the only one who wishes we could all be more conscious and aware of bullying every day!
Last month you couldn't turn on the television without seeing yet another expose on the tragic ending to a young life that could have been prevented.

It inspired me to share my views on bullying...not just as it pertains to gay teens but a more generic look at the root causes of bullying, the widespread effects and how we can end the cycle.
As the response was so overwhelming when I first posted these entries, I wanted to share them with you again...their content and relevance just as important today as the day I wrote them.

http://betherole-model.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-was-bullying-mom.html

http://betherole-model.blogspot.com/2010/10/breaking-bullying-cycle.html



Be part of the solution to end bullying for good! Be the Role Model!!

Breaking the Bullying Cycle

I have been sharing my story for years as to how I used to be a bullying mom and invariably people respond with either a thank you for inspiring them to take responsibility for how they have behaved and then there are other subscribers who demand to be taken off my list having been triggered by what I have shared.

I was out last night at a friend's house for dinner...a retired teacher and one of the kindest and loving women I know. She isn't a big news watcher so I caught her up on all the coverage of bullying lately and of course she was very interested having been in the school system for 35 years. (just as an aside, she is definitely not one of the negative examples that the documentary Waiting for Superman highlights.)

I had shared with her that I felt there had been an abundance of talk about the effects of bullying but not a lot on how to actually break the cycle. My friend was absolutely shocked and of course saddened as we all are to know how this cycle has permeated so deeply in our society.

Neither one of us can understand why more people aren't talking about how kids don't become bullies once they hit the school grounds...the conditioning starts way before then!

Our kids watch our every move...they overhear our overt comments and also take in the implied messages we send to them.

They are in the back seat as we curse at the driver who cut us off and hear us complain how "those" people...from whichever country they mention, can't drive.

They are within earshot as we judge and speak of our intolerance of other's lifestyle choices.

We yell, demean, disrespect and otherwise bully our partners...in front of them.

We separate or divorce and the impact of our meanness to each other is engrained in them.

I'm not saying I have all the answers, nor that I am a perfect role model or that my kids are perfect angels but what I know for sure is that if we don't stop and take a look at what we are modelling, we will keep feeding this insidious cycle...more lives will be needlessly lost...more families torn apart...

We have to start being aware of what we are teaching them remembering that our kids look up to us, they think we know everything and will adopt our beliefs and behaviors because they don't know any other way.

It's a common sense solution...being the best role models we can be for our kids will make a huge impact on breaking this cycle...and hopefully one day for good!!

I was a bullying mom...

It took me a little while to collect myself this morning before writing my blog. I had to wait out the tears that flowed from hearing all of the bullying stories that have been profiled in the media recently...my heart breaking for all involved, not only the bullied but the bullies as well.

The tears continued to flow as I connected with profound gratitude...I was grateful that I was able to shift my behavior and prevent two more kids from becoming victims or perpetrators of this epidemic, these children being my own.

You see I was a bullying mother.

This morning one of the news programs highlighted that they didn't believe that the bullies see their behavior and I agree wholeheartedly...I didn't see mine...but my kids sure did...but they didn't have a voice to tell me.

One day I woke up and became aware of what my behavior was teaching my kids...to become timid and fearful walking on eggshells around my moods or model my meanness and judgment.

Now I didn't look the part, although is there an identifiable look anyway? I didn't necessarily display my behavior for the world to see...but nonetheless I humbly admit that I was a bully.

Once I took responsibility for what I was teaching my kids, I became a different mother...a better role model and a voice for every child who hopes that the role models in their lives can muster up the courage to take a look in the mirror too...

I believe that everything we experience in life brings us to what we are meant to do. After taking a good look at myself and consciously choosing to change was the catalyst that ignited not only my passion to make a difference but my compassion as well...we all do the best we can until we know otherwise and awareness is the key!

We really do live in a mad mad world...but I know it can change...but we have to be that change!

No child is born a bully...let's be the best role models we can be for them!

Conscious Kids

Yesterday I had a few tears in my eyes as I saw a picture of my daughter's beautiful face for the first time since she left for Kenya on an amazing adventure in association with Me to We and Free the Children with the primary purpose of building a school.

I receive regular e-mail updates on her group's activities and they shared how Craig Kielburger himself showed up on a surprise visit recently as they all celebrated the official opening of the the Clean Water Projects!

Coincidentally, later the same day I had read an article where the Kielburger brothers (co-founders of the Free the Children Foundation) spoke of the best way to inspire more socially aware kids was to be mirrors ourselves as parents and model the behavior...music to my ears!

I know this to be true from many experiences in my own life, but most importantly through my children.

It's like this being more conscious message was coming out of the woodwork for me yesterday as I spent time with my other teenager, my son, and we got chatting about how he chooses to respond instead of react in situations with his peers, especially in heated situations and can see how coming from this different perspective is very unique in today's society.

When people say to me that I must be so proud of my kids I of course say that I am, however, I know that the shifts I made and continue to make to be a more aware and conscious mom was and still is key in inspiring and sustaining the path they choose to follow in life.

So let's take the texting, video game playing and peer pressure off the hot seat...monkey see monkey do!!


 

The Bullying Epidemic

As I was watching yet another news story on bullying, I just wanted to crawl into the tv and say, “Why can’t you see the solution??” I felt like I had bought my glasses from a different store than anyone else!


Our children are not born bullies…a phrase that I hope one day becomes a mantra for every single parent, teacher, coach and person working with kids. As I continued to watch I thought that one move in the right direction would be to change the definition of what it means to bully, so I wrote this:

Dear Dictionary,
Please amend the current definition for bullying to:

Any act, be it physical, verbal or non-verbal, that makes someone feel bad about themselves, not good enough.

There is an epidemic that pervades our society more than any disease that has ever existed – feeling not good enough.

It’s the common thread that runs through not only bullying, but the issues of obesity, depression, addictions, suicide and more!

In order to find the solution, we have to start asking ourselves the tough questions. There are way too many to mention but we can start with these general ones:

How do I treat my kids/partner when I’m mad?
Do I compare my kids to their friends, siblings, teammates?
Do I treat my child differently when they bring home an A or an F?
Do I express my disappointment when my kid doesn’t meet my expectations?
Do I punish my child when they act up?

This is just scratching the surface, but you get the idea. Now I know many of you may be getting a little incensed right now…I know because I did when I was asked to look at and take responsibility for my behavior…but we have to!

If we were honest with ourselves we would see that we have all been on either side of the bullying fence and if we ever hope to have harmony in our schools or our homes we have to have the courage to ask the tough questions!

This is a wake-up call that comes straight from the heart with unbridled compassion for every child who is bullied and for those who have become the bullies – they each express their feelings of not good enough in a different way, yet both in the way they have been taught.

We can stop this epidemic in its tracks by finding a way to heal our own feelings of not good enough so we don’t pass them along to our children and once we do that we will inspire a new legacy and generation of kids who are empowered and who would never need to put down another in order to feel better about themselves!

Harmony in our schools can and will happen when there is harmony in our homes and the solution lies in being a role model of unconditional love.

Mothers at their best!

I thought that today,on the eve of Mother's Day weekend, would be the perfect day to launch my blog so... welcome to my inaugural post!

Everyday I hear or see examples from my own personal experiences, current events or explosive stories in the media that can serve as big wake-up calls if we let them, but sometimes we miss the chance because we’re too focused on the finger pointing out instead of the three pointing back!

My blog is going to be all about taking a look a these examples and how we can take a page out of their life book so to speak and apply it to ours.

Although I've heard ramblings of not so nice comments and PDA's (Public Displays of Anger) about this sometimes outspoken mom from The View, I think the public apology that Elisabeth Hasselbeck made this week to Erin Andrews (after dissing her costume choices on Dancing with the Stars) spotlights a great message and depicts what this blog is all about.



We all make mistakes and unfortunately when celebrities make them the whole world knows about it, but, and yes I know this sounds a little odd, this can be a very good thing...for us!

I really felt her sincere and humble as she took responsibility not only for her mean and insensitive behavior, but I also believe that she had a huge AHA moment with her daughter; seeing the hipocrisy of what she has been trying to teach her and how she wasn't walking the talk herself. (hmm...note to self)

Of course equally applying to any adult, as mothers we're always trying to do the best we can until we know how to do it even better and once we know how we can be better it's pretty hard to go back.

So on behalf of myself & many other mothers, thanks Elisabeth for this wake-up call to all of us who aren't modelling what we are preaching!

Happy Mother's Day!
JC